What Ended My Last Relationship?
by MissAllieMae
Summary: What ended Sirius' last relationship? Apparently, German dungeon porn. This is for Wouldtheywriteasongforyou's Cards Against Humanity Competition.


**Disclaimer:** I still don't own Harry Potter and I never will. Unless JK Rowling is incredibly nice and wants to sell me the rights or something. If she did, I would write so much stuff about muggleborns because I have sooo many muggleborn headcanons.

**A/N: **This is for Wouldtheywriteasongforyou's Cards Against Humanity Competition, round deux. This round's card, as indicated by the title, is "What ended my last relationship?". I hope you enjoy this. Please read and review.

"Toss it over here," Sirius called to James, from the other side of their dorm. James was sitting on his bed, absentmindedly playing with his snitch. It amazed Sirius that never managed to lose the thing, given that was literally the sole purpose of the ball in Quidditch.

"Sure," James said and lobbed the ball at Sirius' face.

"Thanks, mate," Sirius said, with a glare.

"So Padfoot," Remus joined in on the conversation, "Why aren't you with your girlfriend?"

"Who?" he asked and Peter could be heard audibly sighing.

"Violet," he said. Peter and Remus had a hard time understanding how James and Sirius could just jump from girl to the next. They were barely broken up with one and they already had some new girl fawning over them. It's not that Remus or Peter couldn't get just as many girls as them, they just had the maturity and the morals not to. Remus had lost count somewhere over the years of how many girls had so obviously lusted after him. However, he wasn't really interested in dating. He had a girlfriend here or there, but never for long and with plenty of time in between.

"Oh her?" Sirius said, before pausing and thinking. "She uh broke up with me the other day."

"She broke up with you?" James asked, confused. It was usually Sirius who broke up with the girl, not the other way around.

"Yup."

"Is this a first?" Remus asked, on the same page as James.

Sirius stopped playing with the snitch for a second and looked at them. "Actually, I think it is."

"Wow," Peter said, "Are you going to tell us why?"

"I'd rather not," Sirius said, going back to focusing on the snitch.

"Is someone upset over actually being broken up with?" Remus taunted.

"Nah," Sirius denied, "it's just that she broke up with me for such a stupid reason."

"Well, if it wasn't anything big, then why not tell us," James suggested, clearly interested to see what would cause someone to break up with the infamous Sirius Black. Sirius was the guy every girl in the school wanted. James and Remus came as close seconds, but Sirius was the main attraction. James didn't quite know why. He knew that Sirius was good-looking and that he was a good shag, but not any better than James himself.

"I would just rather not," Sirius said, getting up. "I have to go do some homework in the library."

The other three Marauders laughed at that. Sirius never went to the library.

"We're not believing that," Peter said, "Why are you avoiding the topic?"

"Because…." Sirius said, trailing off.

"Because why?" Remus encouraged.

"Well….if you want to know…" Sirius stopped again.

"Mate, just spit it out!" James said, getting very impatient with Sirius' attempts to avoid the question. He was also getting more and more curious by the second.

"She found my collection of German dungeon porn," he said.

James burst out laughing, while Remus and Peter just stared at him.

"Are you being serious, Sirius?" Peter asked.

"One hundred percent," he said with a weird smile on his face.

James was clearly intrigued by the idea, "Where do you leave your collection of porn that she found it? And how did that bother her enough to break up with you?"

"She went through my drawers, while she was looking for a tee-shirt to throw on the other day. She came back with me after last week's party and did not want to go through the castle in her dress from the night before. And she told me she was offended that I would need porn when I had her."

"I cannot believe you," Remus said, getting off the bed. "I'm going to do some homework now and try to not think about you and your German dungeon porn."

"You know want to see it, Moony," Sirius said with a laugh.

"I'm good, thanks," Remus answered with a grimace and walked out the door.

"I think I'm going to join him," Peter said and followed Remus out of the dorm room.

James looked at the door, waiting to be sure it was fully closed and that Remus and Peter would be completely out of earshot. "So, Padfoot, can I borrow some of your collection?"

"Top drawer, Prongs," Sirius answered with a laugh, before leaving James alone in the dorm room.


End file.
